BERSERK – Yes this is relevant.

I wrote this while I was sick, so it's a little odd, but I still think it's interesting. I am editing out some really abstract parts now, so give it a read:

If you haven't watched the Anime Berserk and you don't want to see any spoilers then don't read any further. However I know many of you don't watch anime, and others have already seen the whole thing. Anyway, don't worry, this will be relevant to my Taiwan Dreamin' blog.

Berserk is an Anime about a man named Gatsu, awoman named Caska, and their leader, a man named Griffith. The setting is based on medieval/feudal Europe, and there are many battles taking place in a large war. However the real point of Berserk is not in the fighting, although there is plenty of it. It’s basically about following a dream. Many of the bad guys in the story are aristocrats who take their standing for granted and haven’t earned any of the respect they are given, constantly plotting against each other. Gatsu and Caska both had horrible childhoods, and were saved by Griffith. Caska is in love with Griffith unconditionally and will fight for him to the end. Gatsu is a simple soldier who likes to ‘swing his sword’ but he feels he has found meaning when following Griffith, and considers Griffith his good friend.

However the truth about Griffith will not go well for either of them. Griffith has a dream, to attain power, and he will follow it to the end. He mentions one night that to him, a true friend is someone who has a real dream and will fight for that independently of him, even against him, if that is what it takes, that they should be on the same level in that aspect. As he says this it is shown that Gatsu is listening from down the stairs, a metaphor for Gatsu being a follower, and not equal to Griffith.

The anime ends in the most depressing way possible. Soon after Griffith is appointed a very high rank by the king for all the help he has given the kingdom, he is arrested for treason. Griffith is tortured for an entire year, transforming his mind and body into the most weakened state possible, with no real hope for recovery. Gatsu and Caksa rescue him, and Griffith now sees that Gatsu has surpassed him in power immensly and also won the love of Caska. Griffith makes a deal with the devil lords using a charm he has kept since childhood. This turns him into a demon and he uses the blood of his former comrades as his baptismal water.

The result is that almost all the main characters are killed, Gatsu is almost killed, beaten until he can’t move, with his arm bitten off, and his eye gouged out. In a kind of revenge for surpassing him Griffith rapes Caska in front of Gatsu. I really can't imagine a sadder or more horrible scene.

In the comic (manga) the story keeps going as Gatsu comes back from the brink of Death to get revenge on Griffith. I can’t describe how horrible those scenes can make the viewer feel, even though Caska wanted to be with Griffith, she didn’t want it like this, and Griffith is just staring at Gatsu as he does it, just in defiance of Gatsu, as if to say, you are not on my level and you never will be. I take what you want, even when I don’t care for it, because I am more powerful than you, and you can’t do anything to stop me.

As I said before the story is about following a dream. Griffith wants to be powerful, but Caska and Gatsu’s dreams just revolve around Griffith. The truth is, if you have a dream, it can’t depend on others (although caska points out that until Gatsu accomplishes his dream he will never be able to put her first, therefore he has to be a loner until then.) There is something special about a dream, or goal, that you strive complete on your own. One of the most horrible feelings a human can have is when they are devoted to someone or something and suddenly that thing is gone, or changes into something else. In this case you are not only diverted from your path, but the path is now non-existent. Your goal is shattered, not because you abandoned it, because it abandoned you.

I think in a simple form this has happened to me, and to many others. Although Berserk takes this to a whole new level of tragedy, many of us have felt this way in relationships. Whether you were married or with a boyfriend or girlfriend, if you are not equals when you separate, you will have this feeling of despair. As Griffith said, people will never take you seriously unless you put yourself on their level. It doesn’t matter how well you treat someone, if you want to be with them as equals, you cannot portray yourself as their servant, or their dependant. Even a housewife who is ‘taken care of’ by her husband can hold a very valuable place in his life as an equal, not as an underling. I think in some ways it doesn’t even matter if you are the bread-winner, it is the attitude, the self confidence and ability to hold your own.

Men and women always chase after people they see as out of their league. In high school the football captain who doesn’t seem to give a damn about anyone, who is more popular than the rest, he is the object of devotion. The truth is a man like this, like Griffith, will only use those lower than him to get what he wants and he yearns to find someone on his level to rival and challenge him. In a traditional sense, the football captain will end up with the cheerleading squad captain, and the admirers will just be pushed aside. I am not saying that these captains are actually better people, but they hold themselves in high esteem, they value themselves, and they won’t be attracted to those who don’t. It even makes me think of Benjamin Franklin, the only man on the US currency who wasn’t a president. It didn’t matter, he was so important, and held himself so highly that others couldn’t ignore him, it didn’t matter what is upbringing was, he had aspirations of greatness.

This may be a good way to describe why I wanted to move to Taiwan. My dream is to become worldly. When I am an old man, I hope to be wise. Others will come to me to ask for advice, and I will have an answer for every question. I hope I can face every situation that people find in their development. In the past I have met many people who make me feel ashamed of my level in comparison with them. Whether it is their intelligence, their bravery, their physical abilities, or their life experience, I just know I am vastly below them. I hope that pushing myself to become more independent in Taiwan can get me where I want to be. In the past I let my dreams lie in other people’s hands, or I drifted aimlessly. For a while now I have had this dream, this goal, it does not rely on any one person, only myself.

I guess even though Griffith thought his dream didn't rely on others, when Gatsu left the group and he was arrested, he found he needed others to save him. It's important when pursuing your goal, not to cut ties with your friends, or leave them behind. Don't be too extreme, respect your friends who have helped you to this point, and don't forget you will need them again in the future. In coming to Taiwan I had to leave my friends in the US but I will still keep in touch and let them know how I am doing, and I am sure they will offer me help when I need it.

I really do think that when someone finds a flaw with themselves they need to try to fix it, don’t just accept it as the way that they are. It’s important to know your current limits, but keep working to set your goals higher. This may mean quitting your job, to search for something more challenging or rewarding. Another situation is when a couple has become indifferent. They are not happy or unhappy with each other, they just stay together because that is what is easiest.

I am naturally a very lazy person, I always do whatever is most convenient or easy, so once I completed college I needed to find some kind of goal to work towards, something that I could work up to. I worked for a year to earn the money I needed, and now I am in Taiwan. Now I must get a new job, in a new field, and also learn a new language, in addition to the normal everyday struggles we all face. I hope that when I get back to America and say “Yeah, I was just living in Taiwan, learning Chinese, doing Graphic Design, and Teaching,” people, maybe even older than me, will think wow, this guy has accomplished a lot. Now I haven’t done anything impressive yet, but I hope I can, and I hope that I can say that it was my own perseverance that got me there.

So I think the final lesson is this: Set a goal of your own, try your best to take it on headfirst. When you can do something on your own to progress do so, but when you need your friends and family, that is okay too, and let them know how much they have helped you. Still it is important when you are young to find something you can accomplish that is unique and impressive. You will be telling the story for the rest of your life and inspire others to find their own dream, however big or small it is.